From Butterflies to ‘Bye-Bye' | Is Your Date a Red Flag? | The Ultimate Humorous First-Date Checklist for the Single Individual

Ah, the first date. A swirling vortex of hope, awkward moments, butterflies, and the ever-present fear of… well, disaster. We've all been there, right? You meticulously plan your outfit, practice witty banter, and envision a romantic evening straight out of a movie. Then, reality hits. Hard! Maybe they look nothing like their profile picture, their conversational skills are on par with a brick wall, or they complain about everything, the food, the prices, the wait-staff,  the weather, etc. Whatever the case, first dates can be a minefield of unexpected letdowns. But fear not, fellow daters! I've compiled a humorous (and painfully relatable) checklist to help you navigate these treacherous waters, and more importantly, to keep your sanity intact. Because let's be honest, sometimes, all you can do is laugh. Most importantly, don’t feel compelled to entertain foolishness. When the date takes a sharp turn for the worse, then politely bail. You are not under any obligation to continue with a disastrous, disrespectful, loud, overtalkative, controlling, or arrogant fool. Run for the border, and I mean run fast! Those are red flags for whatever lies ahead! And the ‘whatever’ is nothing good that would benefit you. Proverbs 14:7 says, “Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not in him the lips of knowledge.” Don’t continue a disastrous date with someone who doesn’t dispense wisdom. That’s a fool!

Alright, so let's get into the humorous and grounded checklist for those first-date "Oh, my goodness” or “What the hell did I get myself into” moments, with a sprinkle of realistic perspective.

First Date "Reality Check" Checklist: When Expectations Meet...Well, Reality

• Physical Discrepancies:
• Too Tall: (Like, "Do you play professional basketball?")
• Reality Check: Remember, giraffes are one of the “clean” animals in the holy scriptures. They also have a calm and peaceful demeanor, and are vegan.
• Too Short: (Like, "Did you borrow a child's booster seat to drive here?")
• Reality Check: Think of them as 'vertically efficient.' And sometimes good things come in small packages. Also, looks can be deceiving. Small stature, giant heart! I’m just saying! As I smile, and say to myself, ‘say what now?’
• Photo Deception: (Looks like a supermodel online, but...)
• Reality Check: Filters are a lie! And so are some lighting choices. I rebuke you Satan!
• Personality Quirks (That Might Be Red Flags):
• The "Me, Myself, and I" Monologue: (Entire date is their life story, uninterrupted.)
• Reality Check: Some people are just really into themselves. Bring a mental notepad and write a blog post about them, that is fictional, (winking my eye).
• The Arrogance Factor: (Believes they're GOD’S gift to humanity.)
• Reality Check: Everyone poops; and it stinks!
• The Constant Phone Scroller: (More interested in their screen than you.)
• Reality Check: They are having a date with their phone. They’re just not into you.
• The Ex-Factor: (Spends the entire date badmouthing their ex.)
• Reality Check: Everyone has a past, but some people live in it. Beware: They will badmouth you if you date this moron!
• The "Controversial Opinions" Debater: (Gets heated about obscure, or divisive topics, especially when they ‘baited’ you into the conversation; i.e. politics, abortion, religion, you know I’m talking about JC; the christ of the new testament, or start a conversation about an unknown subject you know nothing about, but here they are stirring the pot of stupidity.)
• Reality Check: Some people just like to argue.
• The "Overly Talkative" : (You have not gotten a word in, in 30 minutes.)
• Reality Check: They may be nervous, or they may be a professional talker. Time will tell.
• General "Uh-Oh" Moments:
• Awkward Silence: (So thick you could cut it with a butter knife.)
• Reality Check: Silence is a natural part of communication, even if it is uncomfortable.
• The "We Have Nothing in Common" Revelation: (Like, not even a shared love of oxygen?)
• Reality Check: Opposites can attract, but sometimes they just repel. Thank goodness!! You dodged a bullet!
• The "Sudden Emergency" Exit: (They get a "call" and vanish.)
• Reality Check: Sometimes, people are just cowards, and disrespectful.
• General Reminders:

• They're also nervous: Remember, first dates are awkward for almost everyone. They might be putting on a persona, and the real them might be much better.

• Reality Check: Everyone wants to make a good impression.

• You're not obligated to anything: A bad first date doesn't mean you owe them a second. You're allowed to politely end things.

• Reality Check: Your time and emotional energy are valuable. So, don’t waste it!

• Don't take it personally: If they're rude, disinterested, or just plain weird, it's likely a reflection of them, not you.

• Reality Check: Some people have issues that have nothing to do with you.

• Trust your gut: If something feels off, it probably is. Don't ignore those red flags. Politely leave! Get out of there!

• Reality Check: Your intuition is there for a reason.

• It's a learning experience: Even bad dates can teach you what you don't want in a partner.

• Reality Check: Each date provides information that helps you refine your preferences, and each date is also a step towards finding the right person.

• Don't overanalyze: Resist the urge to replay every moment in your head. What's done is done.

• Reality Check: Move on and focus on the future.

• Have fun (or at least try to): Even if the date is a disaster, try to find something to laugh about.

• Reality Check: Life is too short to be miserable.

• Be kind, but firm: You can be polite while still setting boundaries.

• Reality Check: You deserve respect.

• Don't settle: There are plenty of amazing people out there. Don't lower your standards just because you're tired of dating.

• Reality Check: Your worth is not determined by someone elses opinion of you. HalleluYAH!

• Be yourself: Pretending to be someone you're not is exhausting and ultimately pointless.

• Reality Check: The right person will love you for who you are.
• Grounded in Reality Reminders:
• This is just one date.
• You've survived worse.
• You are a fantastic person.
• You can always tell funny story's about this date later.
• Remember that you also have your own peculiar ways.
• Keep an open mind, but know your boundaries.
• Have fun!

So, there you have it – your survival guide to the first-date. Remember, dating is a journey, not a destination. You will definitely encounter some weirdos, some duds, some not-so-nice people, and maybe, just maybe, some amazing ones, too. The key is to keep your expectations grounded, your sense of humor sharp, and your self-worth intact. Don't let a bad date define you or discourage you. Also, don’t be a bad date, yourself. Every awkward silence, every bizarre story, and every sudden "emergency" exit is just a story waiting to be told. And who knows, maybe one day you'll look back and laugh at the time you went on a date with the person who brought their entire family along. Until then, keep swiping, keep smiling, keep your reality checklist handy, keep the faith, and remember, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23. By keeping these reminders in mind, and by keeping a sense of humor, and realistic expectations, you'll be better equipped to navigate the sometimes-turbulent waters of first dates.  You’ve got this! I will leave you with a bit of sage advice: men date but women are seen as 'whores' as if every man we date ended with a sexual encounter. So sisters, be circumspect in the guys you choose to spend time with because news get around, and gossiping, miserable people often make negative assumptions that are the imagination of their own wicked and evil heart. Date intentional, sparingly, and with a GODLY purpose.

I hope this blog post has been helpful. If you have any questions, please feel free to leave a comment or send me an email. Shalom