He Who Finds A Wife…

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing and receives favor from GOD." Proverbs 18:22

Brothers, you saw this beautiful woman at your local grocery store; you strike up a conversation, find out that you guys have a lot in common. You talk to her on the phone every day; you are now emotionally invested in her; as the old folks say "she has your nose wide opened”, and now thoughts of marriage are running through your mind, now what? Do you consult the Most High;  search the holy scriptures on how our forefathers found wives for their sons; talk to you "homeboys"; or consult a wise elder on what qualities actually make a woman a good wife? Newsflash!! She may have all the qualities of a good wife but not be the wife for you. Something to consider!! Why does this man who finds a wife finds a good thing? He is not making a harlot out of her because he is looking for a wife, and the Most High is for marriage. HE instituted the first marriage between man and woman.

The subtopics in this lesson are: How to Find a Good Wife, What are the Qualities of a Good Wife, What Qualities Are Needed to Find A Good Wife, Finding A Good Thing, GOD’S Blessings vs. Man’s Desires; and The Blessings of a Wife.

My question to you, my brothers: What are you looking for? Your answer: A good wife. Do you know how to find one? I think so. You think so!! Finding a good wife is like driving at night with the lights off. You may see a little but you don’t know what’s ahead, so brothers, finding a good wife without the wisdom, knowledge, and understanding of the Most High is like driving with no lights on. You don’t know the pitfalls, hell, tragedy, pain or suffering that lies ahead. Proverbs 22:3, "A prudent man seeth the evil, and hideth himself; but the thoughtless pass on, and are punished." A prudent man is  a man who exercises good judgment. Evil lies ahead for those who fail to exercise good judgment when seeking a wife.

Before a man even thinks about taking a wife, he should first go back to the beginning and see how the Most High prepared the earth for man and how he prepared the first man for his wife. The earth had everything man needed to sustain life which the Most High created from the void or emptiness. He first made man in his image. A clear image is needed for self-esteem to know that you were made holy and upright; with high moral standards; next, he gave him work, a job to dress, till, and care for the Garden of Eden. Adam was so busy fulfilling the job that GOD gave him that he didn’t notice that he was alone but GOD did. Adam was busy fulfilling his purpose in life, and so should you, my brothers. Then, he was given a wife.

HE WHO FINDS A WIFE…(How to Find A Good Wife)

A wife, sisters!! He is looking for a wife!! He is not looking for a girlfriend, a baby mama, a side chick, a friend with benefits, a hook-up, a one night stand, or a mother-figure, a wife, period. A good man sees your beauty but won’t allow it to be the determining factor when searching for a good wife. Proverbs 31:30, “Grace is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman that feareth GOD, she shall be praised.” Brothers, a beautiful face, a nice body, or modest income bracket are nice attributes, but  a GODLY man should only desire to be with a GODLY woman. Man (including woman) judges outer appearances, the Creator judges the heart according to Jeremiah 17:9, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” Only GOD can know it! Make sure you are ready for a wife before you take a wife. And guys, stop leading some of these sisters on as if they are wife-material. Just be honest. The sister may need some time to develop wifely qualities or she just may not be the wife for you. And sisters, no matter how many hints you give a man, if you are not wife material, he will not marry you. You may be good looking, a great cook, but can you be supportive, trusting, caring, kind, considerate of others, know how to live within your budget or income, raise your children, teach your children, be faithful, dress modestly, or exhibit grace? The Bible is filled with definitions of GODLY women who loved and respected their husbands.

So, brothers where are you looking for a good wife? Is she in the club?  For those who may say that she may be in the club. First of all, I hope that you my brother are not in the club, let alone looking for a wife there. Have you heard the saying “You get what you pay for”, well where you find your wife is where she will be as your wife, in the club partying with or without you!! Do you really think that you are going to find a good wife in the club and then when you wife her up she is going to be a good house wife? Come on brothers, let’s be real!! Did Abraham, Isaac, Jacob or any of our forefathers find their wives in a club?? Brothers, you can dress up evil. Keep going on Instagram, Facebook, in the clubs, or in the streets looking for a wife without the guidance and protection of the Most High, it may cause you your very life. The fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil looked good to Eve, much so to be desired to make one wise, but it was to her detriment, she even caused the downfall of her husband. They both turned from following GOD and then turned to each other instead.

Well, the club is out so now where? Is she in the whorehouse? Nah!! Hanging out on the street corner in the hood? Not so!! Keep it moving brother!! Already married, don’t even go there adulterer!! This is the perfect time to read Proverbs chapter 6 verses 20 through 29 for all those who seems to think that another man’s wife is your soulmate, the perfect wife, or your GOD given wife. Once you ask or should ask a sister if she is married and she says “Yes”, then the conversation is over. You don’t follow-up with the question: “Are you happily married?” Stay away from someone else’s wife period!!

So where do you find this good wife?? For starters, ask the Most High!! For HE will give you the wisdom, knowledge, and understanding to know what characteristics and behaviors make a good wife then your union will be blessed and thus receive favor from GOD. Proverbs 8:32-36, “O ye children: for blessed are they that keep my ways. (33) Hear instruction, and be wise, and refuse it not. (34) Blessed is the man that heareth me, watching daily at my gates, waiting at the posts of my doors. (35) For whoso findeth me findeth life, and shall obtain favour of GOD. (36) But he that sinneth against me wrongeth his own soul: all they that hate me love death.” There are some modern-day virtuous women out there. You just have to acquire the wisdom, knowledge, and understanding of GOD to know how to identify them. Go to the Most High and ask HIM to guide your feet and direct your path while helping you to eschew evil. You may be overlooking your wife because your eyes are closed; she may be in your place of worship, a neighbor, a friend of a friend, your co-worker, your best friend’s sister, cousin, etc. When you ask GOD for wisdom and guidance, HE will surely direct your path. Also, don’t limit your choices. Just because your future wife is not yet worshiping as you are doesn’t mean that she can’t nor won’t. You can bring her into your place of worship, take your time getting to know each other, ask the Most High for guidance, then determine if she is there for you or the Most High. This is very important brothers because if she is there for you, she won’t fear the Most High, obey HIS laws, nor allow you to co-rule with her. Then or if the marriage ends, her so-called relationship with GOD ends. So beware and exercise prudence.

Let’s look at an example of how Abraham found a wife for Isaac in Genesis chapter 24. Don’t overlook the practices of our forefathers, they are still relevant today. Before we go there, brothers, you may not have the insight to know how to find this good wife, so ask an elder who has wisdom and knowledge of ways to find this wife. To your surprise, he may even know someone. Please don’t go to someone who has had several failed marriages, a trail of baby mamas, side-chicks, or a habit of making women harlots. Go to someone who exemplifies GODLY traits. Also, when searching or going out to meet with a Sister, take a wing-man along because his critical eyes will see what your subjective eyes may miss. He will pick up all her negative traits, attributes, and ways. I will give you a summary of Genesis chapter 24 and what wisdom, knowledge, and understanding is derived from it.

Abraham is getting old. He tells his oldest servant to swear to him that he will find a wife for Isaac, not among the Canaanites, but from Abraham’s native country. Isaac must not return to that land; the woman must be willing to follow the servant back to the land of the Canaanites. So the servant swears and goes on his way, taking camels laden with gifts.

When the servant arrives in the city of Nahor, his camels drink from a well on the outskirts. The servant prays that GOD will give him success in this task, and that GOD will show him a sign—when he asks a damsel for a drink, the one who offers to water his camels as well will be Isaac’s future wife. As the servant finishes praying, Rebekah, Nahor’s granddaughter, approaches. When the servant asks Rebekah for a drink of water, she immediately offers to draw water for his camels as well.

When Rebekah finishes watering the camels, the servant gives her gold jewelry and asks her name. She introduces herself as Bethuel’s daughter and Nahor’s granddaughter; then she invites him to spend the night with her family.  And the servant bowed his head, and prostrated himself before GOD, thankful for his faithfulness toward Abraham. Rebekah runs home and tells everyone about the guest. Her brother, Laban, comes to welcome the servant and listens to his purpose for being there. After he hears the servant’s news about Abraham and the details of his conversation with Rebekah, Laban says this is obviously GOD’S doing.

And the servant brought forth jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment, and gave them to Rebekah; he gave also to her brother and to her mother precious things. The next day, the servant urges them to send Rebekah to Canaan without delay. When the family asks Rebekah, she agrees to go with the servant and become Isaac’s wife. Rebekah’s family sends her off with a blessing. One day, while Isaac is walking in the field, he sees camels approaching. When Rebekah sees Isaac from a distance, she covers herself with her veil. The servant tells Isaac about his successful errand, and Isaac takes Rebekah as his wife.

What can you learn from this lesson? To ask GOD for spiritual guidance in selecting a wife as Abraham’s servant did; to equip you with the wisdom, knowledge, and understanding to know what attributes to look for in a woman that will make her a good wife, then ask for a sign to make sure that the thing is of GOD. Don’t think that you are all-knowing and omnipotent, and can judge the heart, for the heart is deceitful above all things, and who can understand it besides GOD? He knows your heart’s desires, and your needs, and can give you the help from your wife to meet your needs. Psalms 37:4 “Delight yourself in GOD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Brothers, pray and seek counsel before you marry. That increases the chances of finding a good wife. Remember sisters, he is looking for you and not the other way around. When a woman seems desperate for a husband, she begins to compromise her standards, her morals, her values, and her integrity.

What Are the Qualities of  A Good Wife?

A man cannot attain anything better than a good wife. “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels” (Proverbs 31:10). Such a good wife is hard to find and she cannot be found without the wisdom of the Most High.

A good wife has high moral standards. She is equipped with strength, valor, dignity, and prudence. This righteous woman exemplifies each of these qualities, having great competence, noble character, and a strong commitment to GOD and her family. 

Brothers, only GOD can provide you with the wisdom, knowledge, and understanding to find such a good woman. This good woman is a priceless gift from GOD. The best gift man can obtain from HIM.

A good wife is a blessing to husband. She is his help-meet, best friend, partner, confidante, cheerleader, a virtuous woman who fears GOD, is reliable, and looks out for his best interests. She is his crown jewel. Proverbs 12:4, “A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband; but she that doeth shamefully is as rottenness in his bones.” She is worth more than money, gold, and rubies for she is a blessing and will cause you to receive blessings, in the form of favor from GOD. Proverbs 19 verse 14 says: “House and riches are the inheritance of fathers; but a prudent wife is from GOD.” In other words, you can inherit material blessings but the blessings of a woman with good judgment is from the Most High. Also, the wisdom needed to find a wife, provides the same benefits—it is worth more than money, you can always trust it to make the right decision, and it provides blessings for those who have it. Proverbs 3:13-15: “Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that obtaineth understanding. For the merchandise of it is better than the merchandise of silver, and the gain thereof than fine gold. She is more precious than rubies; and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her.” 

Also, brothers, if you want a wife to be at your beckon-call and to do any and everything for you, well, you don’t want a wife—you want a slave. All too often, men run good women away with that slave mentality of wanting her to do everything for him. A wife is a blessing in that she is there to be a companion in your journey through life. Whether you fully access these blessings and many more is determined by how you treat or mistreat her. Sometimes, you guys are so quick to adopt the view of the world and "blame the woman” for everything that is wrong in the world, in your life, and in your marriage. But GOD gives you a wife so that you cleave to her and be as one unit.

What Qualities Are Required for Finding A Good Wife?

In the beginning, the perfect role model for marriage began with the wisdom of the Most High when HE said: “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an helpmeet for him.” Genesis 2:18. And that, GOD did!! HE made the perfect helper for man who is equal in intelligence, wisdom, knowledge, and understanding as his counterpart. How can a woman be a helper to man if she doesn’t have the capability nor intelligence, nor wisdom, nor understanding to help him?? The intelligence of man was imparted to her when she was created! When GOD created the beasts of the field, the fowls of the air, and all other living creatures, HE saw that none equaled the intelligence of man, therefore, woman was created to fulfill this purpose. According to the holy scriptures, the qualities that are required to find a good wife are wisdom, knowledge, understanding, and the fear of GOD. Proverbs 1:7, “The fear of GOD is the beginning of knowledge; but the foolish despise wisdom and discipline.” Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in GOD with all thy heart, and lean not upon thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and HE will direct thy paths.”

Finding A Good Thing

Sisters, are you a good thing to be desired by man or are you an embarrassment that causes him shame? Are you the perfect helpmeet for a GODLY man or are you for the streets? Can you be equally yoked with a righteous man or do you want to control or be in control? Do you understand your perspective role in marriage? Do you understand marriage, period? Do you want to be married but live the single life with your "girls"? Can you love another person as much as you love yourself and only want to do what is right for your marriage or are you selfish and want to solely benefit from the marriage?  Before one can love another, one must love herself. Can you be your husband’s support system? Can you be faithful to GOD, your husband, and the covenant of marriage? Do you understand what a covenant of marriage is? All too often, those who are married want to be single and those who are single desperately desire to be married. But we fail to have a clear vision of a marriage ordained by GOD. Do you really think GOD wants a GODLY man with an unruly or ungodly woman? Let’s be real sisters, if you are for the streets, then stay in the streets and leave those GODLY men alone, period!! Why are you vexing their spirit when you can remain single or just leave!! Let me move on!! Someone mad somewhere!! How she gone tell me what to do, he is a grown man, if he wants to leave then let him leave!! All out of order!!

GOD’s Blessings vs. Man’s Desires

A good wife from GOD is GOD-fearing, supportive, caring, kind, considerate of others, wise, and understanding. These should be some of the qualities a man seeks when looking for a wife. All too often man desires physical appearances over quality and value, overlooking details that can or may make or break a marriage. A woman can have a pretty face accompanied by an ugly stank attitude. A nice looking body accompanied by the dress of harlots. The speech of intellectuals accompanied by a loud, embarrassing voice of a fool. Proverbs chapter 31 verses 10 & 11 reminds us: “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” 

Husbands look to their wives to meet the desires of their heart. He can get respect from his colleagues, he can get companionship from his friends, he can admire other women, but he wants and needs these things from you—his wife that he can’t receive from anyone else. Are you that wife? Are you wife potential?

• A good wife brings honor, glory, and righteousness to a marriage causing her husband to receive favor from GOD.

Marriage was first instituted through Adam and Eve when GOD created woman from the DNA of man. Women, we have to be that good thing that man desires and thus cause the blessings of the Most High to rain upon our spouses. The patriarch, Abraham, was blessed because of Sarah when the king of Egypt blessed him with great substance. Are you a woman whose ways, mannerisms, speech, diet, and style of dress are worthy to bestow favor upon your husband? Are you the good thing that the Bible speaks of or are you an embarrassment to yourself, your father’s house, your family, and your nation? Are you loud, angry, boisterous, controlling, indignant, ill-mannered, brawling, or foolish? Proverbs 21:9: “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than in a house in common with a contentious woman.” And also verse 19 in this same chapter: “It is better to dwell in a desert land, than with a contentious and fretful woman.” 

• What Is Your Purpose For Marriage?

Is this purpose in line with GOD’S purpose and plan for marriage? Good looks or a perception of holiness may have gotten you noticed or may have gotten your foot in the door but if you have ugly, conniving, wicked, or evil ways, a righteous man will avoid you at all costs, for he sees the evil and hides from it!! Only the laws of GOD can make wise the simple, comely the loud, chaste those who are loose with the caboose, holy the unholy, and righteous the unrighteous. Of all the nations why are our women known by so many derogatory names? Our men degrade us in rap songs, on social media, in reality tv shows, in the neighborhood, at our places of employment, and even at our places of worship. But what is so damning is, that we actually manifest and bring into fruition those derogatory names and glorify them. The more lewd and disgusting they are, the more we love it. Anything just to bring us down as a nation and to further destroy the reputation of our women. Growing up, our women were desired by other nations, even widely sought after, but who seek after us today. Even our sport athletes, movie actors, singers, and businessmen alike seek other nations when they obtain wealth or celebrity status.

The Blessings of A Wife

When GOD gave Adam a wife, it was a good thing, a gift, a permanent gift from HIM because GOD hates divorce. Malachi 2 verse 16: “For I hate divorce,” says GOD, the GOD of Israel.” This act wasn’t temporary until GOD could make Adam another help-meet; or until a better-looking helpmeet could be made. GOD made woman perfect for man; gave him someone equal to him in intelligence, wisdom, knowledge, and understanding, for we both were created in the image of GOD. This man, who finds a good wife, receives favor from the Most High because of his treatment of this gift, essentially, his blessing. 

Why does this man receive favor from GOD when he finds a wife? GOD implemented the first marriage. It is his desire that man should continue to replenish the earth, multiply and fill it with a holy seed. Seed that worship and serve the Most High all their days. GOD set the blueprint for marriage, which is holy unto him. This wife is to help further GOD’s desire for his creation. To worship and serve him in unity  with her husband through holiness and righteousness, and co-rule together over HIS creation. To be on one accord and to subdue the earth, not destroy it!!

When HE blesses a man with a wife, he obtains favor because this man was wise and meek in his decision to go to GOD for his wife, therefore, he receives favor. This favor, which can be interpreted as blessings can be bestowed financially, spiritually, intellectually, physically, and/or emotionally. GOD knows man’s needs therefore, he can bestow upon the wise man the desires of his heart, thus fulfilling the term “helpmeet”. The wife will sufficiently meet her husband’s needs because favor is obtained. The steps of a good man are ordered by GOD. Psalms 37:23 “The steps of a good man are ordered by GOD (Elohim): and HE delighteth in his way.” When GOD delights in a man’s ways, blessings abound. Why do blessings abound, because this man trusted in GOD and leaned not to his own understanding. When he trusted in GOD, he took a GODLY route in finding a woman to wife. A faithful man will be faithful not only to the MOST High but also to the covenant of marriage. How can a man be faithful to his wife when he is not faithful to the originator and creator of marriage? A righteous man first asks GOD to guide his way as well as direct his path in his search for a wife; he seeks the old path by researching and ascribing to the methods that our forefathers used; he cleaves to his wife, allowing no one or nothing to interfere in the sanctity of their marriage, and most importantly, he continuously serves the Most High after receiving this gift from GOD.

• Other scriptures to read that support favor because of a good wife.

Men who were blessed because of their wives. Abraham, Genesis 12:10-16, Genesis 20:1-18; Isaac Genesis 26:6-14.

GOD’S plague or punishment because of a wife. Genesis 12:17, Genesis 20:18.

Sisters, when you are a good wife, then you truly are your husband’s treasure. You should always strive to be the good thing in his life. You are valuable to him. A good woman respects her husband, supports him, is loyal to him, knows her place in the marriage, and most of all fears GOD, so let’s start “Putting GOD back into our relationships.” Relationships that can be holy righteous, equitable, and just with the laws of GOD. HalleluYAH!!

May the blessings of the Most High rest upon all who read this and serve HIM alone. Shalom

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