The Serpent's Tongue: Practical Tips and Strategies for Overcoming Gossiping

How many of you have ever been the victim of gossip? How many of you have gossiped about someone else? I have in both situations but no longer participate in this destructive behavior. It doesn't feel good when I am the target of gossip, therefore, I go out of my way to avoid others who gossip. I'm here today to talk about why gossiping is harmful and how we can all overcome it.

Gossip, or talebearing, is a form of speech that spreads rumors or negative information about others. It can be a tempting indulgence, especially when we are unhappy, jealous, envious, miserable, pessimistic, seeking attention, or trying to fit in with a certain group. However, the Bible warns against gossip, emphasizing its harmful consequences. Leviticus chapter 19 verse 16 commands, "You shall not go about as a slanderer among your people,” highlighting the destructive nature of spreading rumors and malicious information. Such actions not only damage the reputation of the victim but also erode trust and create discord. 

Self-Control: The Reins of Our Tongue

Self-control is the foundation upon which healthy communication is built. It's the ability to manage our emotions, impulses, and reactions, especially when tempted to gossip. Without self-control, our words can become weapons, fueled by anger, frustration, or defensiveness, and can cause irreparable damage to relationships. We began to lash out at people because we may feel angry, unhappy, or lonely. We temporarily take our mind off our situation by focusing on tearing down others through gossip. 

• Importance: Self-control allows us to pause before we speak, to consider the potential impact of our words, and to choose words that are constructive rather than destructive. It helps us to avoid saying things we later regret.
• Cultivating Self-Control: Cultivating self-control is an ongoing process that requires self-awareness, practice, and a willingness to take responsibility for our actions. It involves:
• Recognizing our triggers: Identifying the situations or people that tend to engage in gossiping, thus limiting your time with them or avoiding them altogether.
• Practicing emotional regulation: Developing strategies for managing our temptation to gossip in healthy ways, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or taking a break from social media, texting, phone calls, etc, whichever one is your trigger.
• Thinking before speaking: Pausing to consider the potential impact of our words before we say them and how they may get back to the person you are gossiping about.
• Taking responsibility for our words: Acknowledging when we have gossiped about someone, spoken rashly or unkindly, and then making amends when necessary.

Proverbs chapter 15 verse 28: "The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil." This verse highlights the importance of thoughtful speech, considering the impact of our words before we utter them. Self-control allows us to engage our minds before our mouths, ensuring that our communication is intentional and constructive.

Mindful Communication:

Mindful communication involves paying attention to the present moment, both to our own thoughts and feelings and to the words and emotions of others. It's about being fully present in our interactions, listening with empathy, and responding with intention instead of revealing secrets.

• Importance: Mindful communication helps us to avoid misunderstandings, talebearing, and instead, build stronger relationships, and to create a safe space for open and honest dialogue.
• Practicing Mindful Communication:
• Active listening: Paying close attention to what the other person is saying, both verbally and nonverbally, and seeking to understand their perspective instead of jumping to conclusions, which opens the door to gossip.
• Empathy: Putting ourselves in the other person's shoes and trying to understand their feelings and experiences.
• Non-judgmental communication: Refraining from criticism, blame, or defensiveness.
• Clear and concise language: Expressing our thoughts and feelings in a way that is easy for others to understand.
• Proverbs 15:23: "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver." This verse beautifully illustrates the value of carefully chosen and timely words. Mindful communication involves considering the context and delivering words that are appropriate and helpful.
• Proverbs 17:28: "Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is regarded as prudent." This suggests that even if someone lacks wisdom, they can appear wise simply by controlling their speech. It emphasizes the importance of thinking before speaking.
• Psalm 19:14: "May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, YAH, my Rock and my Redeemer.” This psalm expresses a desire for communication that is pleasing to GOD. It connects mindful communication to a reverence for GOD.

Speaking Words that Build Up:

Our words have the power to either build up or tear down. Choosing to speak words that build up means focusing on encouragement, affirmation, and kindness. It means using our language to uplift others, to inspire hope, and to create a positive and supportive environment.

• Importance: Speaking words that build up strengthens relationships, fosters self-esteem, and creates a culture of respect and compassion.
• Practicing Edifying Speech:
• Offering genuine compliments and appreciation.
• Expressing gratitude for the things others do for us.
• Encouraging others to pursue their goals.
• Offering support and comfort in times of need.
• Speaking the truth with love and kindness, even when it's difficult.

Edifying Speech (Words that Build Up):

• Proverbs 15:4: "A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit." This verse contrasts the life-giving power of kind and gentle words with the destructive impact of harsh or deceitful speech.
• Proverbs 12:22: "Lying lips are abomination to YAH, but the truly wise act faithfully." This directly condemns lying and emphasizes the importance of truthful speech. Honest communication is essential for building trust and healthy relationships.
• Proverbs 18:21: "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit." This powerful verse highlights the immense influence of words. They can bring life and encouragement, or they can cause death and destruction. It emphasizes the responsibility we have for the words we speak.

Connecting These Qualities:

These three qualities are interconnected and mutually reinforcing. Self-control enables us to be mindful in our communication, and mindful communication helps us to choose words that build up. When we cultivate these qualities, we create a positive ripple effect in our relationships and in the world around us. A commitment to these qualities reflects a heart that is seeking to honor GOD and love others and to co-exist together in unity. They represent a pathway to wisdom and righteous living as described in the Bible.

To summarize:

Self-control, mindful communication, and a commitment to speaking words that build up are essential for creating healthy and fulfilling relationships. They are the cornerstones of effective communication, fostering understanding, empathy, and respect. By cultivating these qualities in our lives, we can create a more positive and compassionate world, one conversation at a time.

Conclusion:

In conclusion, "sharing secrets" is not for the person to whom the secret was shared with to share with others. If the person who shared the secret with you wanted others to know of it, then it is his/her decision to make and not yours. 

Overall, the holy scriptures consistently warns against the dangers of spreading rumors. It emphasizes the importance of truthfulness, discretion, and love for one's neighbor. Spreading rumors is portrayed as a destructive act that can damage reputations, fracture relationships, and undermine the peace and unity of the nation. The holy scriptures encourages us to be mindful of our words and to avoid participating in the spread of harmful gossip.

Jewels of Wisdom in Keeping Secrets

Proverbs chapter 21 verse 23: “The one who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps his life from troubles.” This Proverb emphasizes the power of restraint. By controlling one’s speech, especially in terms of gossip and slander, one can avoid many problems associated with gossip, and safeguard their well-being. The underlying message is that words have power, and they can either bring about peace or trouble. The Torah values honesty, trustworthiness, and the protection of reputations, and these principles should guide our decisions about sharing confidential information. 

Psalm chapter 34 verse 13: “Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from telling lies.” This Psalm emphasizes the ability to prevent gossip by avoiding harmful speech: this includes slander, gossip, talebearing, insults, and any words intended to hurt or deceive others; and also being truthful, which emphasizes the importance of honesty and integrity in communication, discouraging lies, falsehoods, and deceit.

Proverbs chapter 10 verse 19: “When words abound, transgression is inevitable, but the one who restrains his words is wise.” The wisdom here is straightforward: the more we talk, the more likely we err. Exercising restraint and speaking less can prevent many pitfalls, especially those associated with gossip and slander. It suggests that it is wise to be careful with our words and to avoid excessive talking, especially when it comes to sensitive or potentially harmful information. It also implies that prudence and discretion are essential in preventing the spread of rumors.

Proverbs chapter 13 verse 3: “The one who guards his words guards his life; whoever is talkative will come to ruin.” This proverb emphasizes the protective power of careful speech. By being mindful of what we say, we shield ourselves from potential harm to others and ourselves. This harm can come in various forms: damaged relationships, legal trouble, or even physical danger. It also highlights that our words have consequences and that thoughtful communication contributes to a safer and more stable life."

• Whoever is talkative will come to ruin": warns against excessive and uncontrolled speech. It suggests that those who speak without thinking are likely to face negative repercussions. Excessive talking can lead to revealing sensitive information, spreading gossip, engaging in arguments, and making promises that cannot be kept. This can lead to social, professional, and personal ruin. In essence, the wisdom in this proverb advocates for prudence and discretion in our communication. It underscores the idea that wise speech is a form of self-preservation.

Psalm chapter 50 verses 19 through 22: “You do damage with words, and use your tongue to deceive. (20) You plot against your brother, you slander your own brother. (21) When you did these things, I was silent, so you thought I was exactly like you. But now I will condemn you and state my case against you. (22) Carefully consider this, you who reject GOD. Otherwise I will rip you to shreds and no one will be able to rescue you.” Using your tongue to deceive, slander, and speak evil is a sin that is punishable by GOD'S wrath.

It's important to remember that those who engage in this behavior often do so out of malice, jealousy, or a desire to control others. They may seek to undermine the trust and intimacy between spouses, sow discord among friends, or destroy trust in a family. Whatever their motives, their actions have a devastating impact on the lives of those involved. So, let's strive to avoid spreading gossip, speaking harmful speech against others, and causing division in our communities.

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